Sunday, 31 January 2016

The Single Girl Diaries | The One Where I Said Goodbye


Hello Lovelies! When I first started this series, I had a few aims. One was to make people laugh (mostly at my own expense). The second was to write the series I always wanted to read, something that actually catered to the single girl. And the last was *cue emotional music* to grow as a person, and guess what? This week I did, major time.  

But before we get to that let's start at the beginning, because guys, it's been a long week. Anyone who paid attention to last week's post, will know that this week I challenged myself to tell people in my life what they mean to me and spread a bit of love. I'm actually a big believer in the whole 'what if I got hit by a car tomorrow' argument, so I always like to make sure people know how valuable they are to me so I actually do this ALL the time.

I'M SOPPY LIKE THAT (SORRY, NOT SORRY)

But telling the people in your life how much you love them is pretty hard. Unlike with relationships, you never quite know where you stand with friends. There's no anniversary, no Valentine's day for friends, nada. So sometimes it's hard to actually be like 'Hey I really love you' without coming off either suicidal or slightly crazy. 



But I did attempt, albeit shyly to tell some of the friends in my life just how I feel about them (well at least the ones who don't hear it often from me) and I was surprised by the reaction. They didn't think I was a weirdo, randomly showering love confetti all over them, in fact on the whole it just reminded me how many lovely people there are in my life. But it's time to introduce another guy to this story. We've had Tinder Darcy, Mac and Cheese Guy (who for some reason actually likes my dorky smiles, hi you), and Hot Clean Freak Guy. Now it's time for Hat Guy, and oh boy is the story of him one emotional roller-coaster. Hold on tight guys. 

We met on the first day of University, and we instantly became each others first Uni friends. In fact we spent the whole of Freshers together, in the least student way possible. We literally did not go to ONE party. Shocker I know. He wore the same hat all the time, so was knighted with the the 'Hat Guy' nickname at an early stage. As you can tell, I really like giving people nicknames. And in general we just got on so well. Like whenever we saw each other, we'd laugh our heads off and it just seemed like we were made to be friends. We'd even call each other late at night, and end up just talking to each other for a few hours. And really although as the year went on we didn't see each other much, we still remained the best of friends. He became the guy I phoned when I was upset, because he'd always make me forget what was wrong and would have me laughing in seconds. I just didn't know anyone who could make me happy so easily like that.


But inevitably, as you may have guessed Vicky's heart started to develop feelings for Hat Guy. He'd friendzoned me before, but the lines started to get more blurred to the point where it almost felt like he was flirting with me. That said though, as the year went on nothing happened and I gave up on my feelings comfortably placing him back in to the friends category. When it was running up to him leaving for his year abroad though, everything changed. He started being nicer, flirting with me much more and complimenting me randomly, but still I was completely oblivious to what was going on. I mean friends can joke about kissing you, RIGHT? 

It was when I said goodbye to him at the airport that I finally started to clock on to things being different. He was much more flirty, and kept on finding stupid little excuses to touch me. Funnily enough, at the time I still thought he was joking with me which is a key example of me being oblivious to guys showing an interest in me. I can be REALLY blind sometimes. We sat there and chatted for a few hours, and I laughed so much it actually hurt but then it was time to say goodbye and I remember him giving me this ridiculously tight hug and then that was it. He walked away and I watched him become a little blur in the distance. 


When he finally arrived, I admitted to him just how I felt and he told me how much he liked me and how much he really did want to kiss me at the airport. It was nice, weird, and I was just honestly surprised. I had never in a million years even imagined he could end up liking me, so it was surreal to hear it from him. But the problem? He was on his year abroad, and when he came back I was on mine so we both knew nothing could come of it. The conversation ended, and just like that he expected me to go back to normal and I found myself stranded on a lonely emotional island forced to pretend that we'd never crossed the friend line. 

As I tried to stay in contact, I started to feel really bad about myself because I would accidentally flirt and then he would throw it all back in my face despite being the one who'd opened this Pandora's box in the first place. It just started to feel like he couldn't really be bothered to keep me in his life, and that he just didn't care. So this lead me to decide that for this week whilst I was telling all my friends what they meant to me, I would be honest to him and tell him I just couldn't be friends with him anymore. It was too hard. I had feelings for him, and they and him just made it so hard for me to be friends with him when I just felt more. So I did the mature thing, and told him, and explained to him how I couldn't be friends anymore. It was just too complicated. 

And the worst part? He didn't really care, and hardly even batted an eyelid. So Hat Guy just like that went from being a main character in my story, to merely a footnote in it. 


But hey this is my time to be honest. I've become so used to guys (minus my male friends and family of course) in my life just not caring enough about me, to the point now where it's not a surprise anymore. I've had men put me down, call me horrible things and generally make me feel like the tiniest person in the world and the sad part is I've come to expect it. I've started to lose faith in the fact that I'll get a guy who cares about me one day, and for the first time in my life I'm starting to lose hope. But you know what, I may be unlucky in love, but maybe that's because I've been so blessed in the friendship department. One day I'll find someone who cares, but until then I'll always have lovely people like you and that's enough to keep me content.

GROUP HUG GUYS.


Thought of the day: 'Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary.' - Oscar Wilde

Man Crush: James Norton, because he's completely killing his role as Prince Andrei in War and Peace. Not quite Darcy, but Andrei is good enough for me.

Perk of being single: Having lots and lots of time to spend with all your friends. Love you guys.

Thanks for reading lovelies! All of the support of this series has really been amazing!

P.S For any new readers to The Single Girl Diaries, I've put together a list of all the posts so far so you can start to understand what the hell is going on here:

1. Here's To Being Forever Alone in 2016
2. I Challenged Myself To Tinder For A Month
3. If We Ever Meet Again
4. Not Safe For Lonely Hearts (NSFLH)
5. 1,000 Reasons Not To Date Me

And don't forget - join me every Sunday 12pm GMT, for a new page in my diary!


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26 comments

  1. Vicky, I'm actually crying omg :( *huggss*

    franalibi.blogspot.co.uk

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  2. Gah this post, I don't know what hit me more, your words or your epic choice in Gifs! Ohhh!! I'm a wreck! But seriously, you're better off without him, and who knows, things might change further down the road, whatever is meant to be will be, I'm a firm believer in that, but you've done the right thing, you've prioritised yourself and I bet it's like a huge weight lifted now you've took a step back from having him in your life!

    Sarah :)
    Saloca in Wonderland

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    1. Yeah I'm a big believer in things always working out luckily which is a big comfort - will always all work out in the end for sure :) x

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  3. My initial thought to this was it sounds like he is trying to act tough and save his own feelings - could be wrong though! x

    NINEGRANDSTUDENT: A Student Lifestyle Blog

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    1. Maybe, I guess that would be the ideal but I fear the opposite haha x

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  4. Yet another FANTASTIC post!! I actually got goosebumps reading this, I felt like I was lost in a book! The whole airport scene... it was like a film, I was rooting for something to change at the end. Gutted it didn't, some guys are total jerks!! But brill post nonetheless. I think I'll make it my mission to start letting people know how much I love them, I find it hard being soppy though haha!! xxx
    Becky Shannon xx - Life-by-Becky

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    1. Aww girl your comments are just the sweetest! Aww, well it's a shame the way it ended but I definitely think it's something I'll learn and grow from so all is not lost xx

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  5. You make me cry and I just want to hug you and protect you from the world. You bring out the mama bear in me and I hate seeing you hurt or let down. But what hurts me even more is when you said you're used to men letting your down, that is so unfair for you to experience so much hurt at such a young age and especially when I know you're one of the sweetest person with the biggest heart walking on this planet. I love you, hugs! xx

    Shireen | Reflection of Sanity

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    1. Aww it's ok, I think it's helped me to sort of not be naive about things and hopefully dodge some bullets in the future (I mean I guess time will tell if that's true). Aww love you too Shireen, all the hugs xx

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  6. I find so it so weird that you've had difficulty - if I was a guy you'd be my main kinda gal! (That's not meant to be as butch as it definitely sounds) Sounds like you did well to cut him off though, that's closure on what could have been a loooooong turbulent time if you didn't! Kudos for being brave and don't give up on the hunt!xxxxxx

    Jesska - Opal Soul

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    1. Awww haha thanks Jesska! Yeah, I've saved myself a lot of hurt definitely! x

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  7. First of all, I'm loving these posts. Secondly, I am sending you the biggest hug ever! But well done for putting yourself first, it's so hard to cut people off but at least now you have closure and can move on. You're a fab gal!

    Kathryn | Chapters of Kat

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    1. Aww thanks Kat :) Yeah it is hard to but ultimately the best thing I think, especially if the person isn't willing to fight to stay in your life! x

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  8. being used to being hurt by men is so sad :/ I hope you find someone who will NOT hurt you at all!
    Pam xo/ Pam Scalfi♥

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    1. Aww well I have hope for the future, don't you worry!

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  9. I love these posts so much.. can really relate. I applaud you for being honest with the people around you, can't wait for the next instalment!

    http://wanderingsofalostsoul1.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Aww thanks Georgina, and yes I'm glad that I have been although it's pretty hard!

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  10. NEVER LOSE HOPE!!!! Endings like this are rubbish but he's revealed his true colours - you've been saved from a more upsetting event later down the line!

    I've said it before, but I really do love this series. It's like reading a column from a magazine or something!
    Megan x
    London Callings

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    1. Aww thank you lovely! Yeah I think it's saved me a lot of hurt! x

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  11. This post is making me super sad and it kind of makes me bad for friend-zoning my boyfriend now five years ago. Things can change. I just hate that he didn't seem to give a shit even though ye seemed to be good friends. :(

    Maybe he is crying behind his screen about you gal.

    Ellen,
    http://fishnetsxd.blogspot.ie

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    1. Aww no sorry to make you sad lovely! Yeah it sucked and I miss him now but he should have cared more x

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  12. Males are usually not the ones for big feelings. They sometimes seem to try out some boundaries and limits and that's it. I've had some guys in my life who liked me - and I was blind like you, but wasn't really interested either ^^ - and when I told them I wasn't interested or a new friend that I had a boyfriend they wouldn't talk to me anymore. Not even say hi. Boys and men are so weird sometimes, but don't let this discourage you. x

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    1. Yeah men can be so weird about feelings - that is one big life lesson I've learned haha! x

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  13. SENDING YOU A HUGE GROUP HUG! I loved this post and i totally feel ya! Men are weird about feelings and i just dont get them. I had a male friend who i liekd and i thought he liked me. we both admitted to each other but never actually crossed the line out of the friend zone so we just dont talk anymore. Cant wait for your next post!
    www.littlekaatie.com

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    1. Aww *BIG HUG* Yeah it's a very awkward and weird situation to be in, I didn't like it at all!

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