Wednesday, 10 May 2017

Lifestyle | Body Image and Self Acceptance


Hello Lovelies! It's Mental Health Awareness week so I thought I'd open up a little and talk about my struggle with body image and acceptance. Obviously if you get triggered by talk about weight, dieting and self image, feel free to sit this out and catch up with me in another post!


Blogging for me has been one big whole journey of self acceptance. I was bullied at primary school for my appearance. A guy in our school spread a rumour I had a disease. It was pretty simple, you hang around me you catch a disease that will make you look like me and you'll turn into a loser. So of course people never played with me, ran away from me in the hallways and I started to really hate my appearance. Fast forward to now and I still find photos of me really upsetting. Unless I can see what I look like, I get super upset. I don't hate my appearance any more, but in most photos I feel like I look like an ogre. Not dissing ogres, do love Shrek and Princess Fiona but not ideal. 

Growing up in secondary school there were a hell of a lot of weird perceptions about weight that swirled around my school. Admittedly it was an all girls' that was extremely academic so of course there was always going to be more comparison, but some of the conversations we had in hindsight were just ridiculous. For example I distinctly remember a conversation all about how if you didn't look like a model, you just weren't going to make it anywhere. You weren't going to get married, get the job, and no one was going to love you, unless you got that skinny little waist of course. Obviously there's no truth in this at all. It's one of these things that you believe at school, but I can tell you now isn't true in the slightest. 

But because I believed a lot of these things, it really took its toll on me. At my worst I would get out a ruler and literally measure everyone's thighs in the photo to see if mine were too big. I'd skip lunch sometimes, and I'd never get more than a sandwich because I was worried about eating two big meals a day. I'd cry at a size 10 that all the girls were so much smaller than me (a lot of them were in fairness) and I just felt so big and horrible. The weird part was that this was the standard I only held for myself. All the other girls in my year no matter what size they were, big or thin I thought were gorgeous. That's the really cruel thing about self image, you don't see yourself as you really are, and you reserve your harshest judgement for yourself. 

So what I'd say is find a photo from your past, one you feel distant from and trust me you'll get a lot of clarity. I remember watching back a video of one of our school plays, and realising that whilst I had felt extremely overweight, ugly etc... I honestly looked like any old ten year old. Self acceptance doesn't come from losing or gaining weight, or getting perfectly toned, it comes from within. That's something I've learnt now. My body has hardly changed from when I used to loathe it so much, but now I look at it and accept how I look. If I really think about it and pick it apart, I don't like it but the difference now is that I don't do that anymore. Stop looking in the mirror so much, staring at girls' bodies you want to have and take a moment to be kinder to yourself. 

This was really a bit of a ramble, but hopefully it helps someone who has felt similar before feel less alone. Thank you for reading lovelies! Have an absolutely amazing week!

SHARE:

8 comments

  1. Aw you've come a long way! Glad that blogging and made you feel like you can start being okay with how you feel and look :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hugs! I think many can relate to this, Vicky and the struggle to self-acceptance. I didn't embrace my true self until I was 30 so I feel you on this. xx

    ReplyDelete
  3. It is very brave of you to have made this post and share about your past insecurities. Teenage years are difficult because you're trying to find out who you are and how you want to be, so it's super easy during those years to be hard on yourself if you don't fit the standards that are promoted as positive in the media, the magazines etc. Blogging is great because a lot of people speaking out about these body and image issues, and there is a great diversity of bodies that we don't always see on TV or in fashion magazines.
    It's great that you can now look back and see how you've changed since then, and the progress you've made, you can be proud of yourself Vicky!

    Julia x
    Last Post: Beauty History - A 1900s Look | http://juliaspeaksbeauty.blogspot.co.uk/2017/05/beauty-through-ages-1900s-photograph.html

    ReplyDelete
  4. Kids can be so horrible! The thing about the disease is really really mean. Glad you feel better now but I definitely think that body acceptance is a real journey. Love the photo at the top of this post too!

    www.claudialovescats.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  5. Aww I think it's SO brave of you to talk about this - the more people address these things, the more we can break these ridiculous beauty ideals! I agree with the comment above - kids can be absolutely horrible! I'm so sorry you had to go through that, and I'm glad that you seem to be in a lot better place right now! <3 I think it's probably impossible to get rid of those feelings (for me, anyway!) altogether, but learning how to deal with them can be a massive relief & help. x

    Laura // Middle of Adventure

    ReplyDelete
  6. Aw thank you for sharing! I also struggle with body image, it can be really tough but you're right, it all comes from the inside!

    Jasmin Charlotte

    ReplyDelete
  7. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm so proud of you!! And I think you're really pretty! :) I compared myself to everyone in high school as well and I thought I looked like a toe, but I'm growing to love myself xxx

    franalibi.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for your comments, I love reading them and will be sure to visit your blog soon :) have a lovely day!

Blogger Template Created by pipdig