Sunday, 3 August 2014

On A Personal Note: My Bullying Story


I thought it was about time I did a slightly personal post, so that you could hear a bit about the blogger behind the blog (if you're interested at all!). I thought I'd share something very personal with you all just because I feel like this is a important thing to talk about especially as so many people go through it. 

I've always hated the words 'bully' and 'bullying' because I think it's such a general term, and I don't really believe that there are 'bullies' and 'good people.' Perhaps that's naive of me, but it's always been what I've thought. 

When I was about six or seven years old (I can't really remember what age I was), I started getting picked on by one guy, for how I looked. It was the usual 'You look like a boy' and 'You're so ugly' type of thing. Then it turned a little worse. He made up a rumour that I had a disease, not surprisingly he called it 'Victoria Disease.' So if you went near me, played with me or talked to me then you'd catch it and as a result you'd become as hideous and as ugly as me. This led to a lot of people dodging me in the hallways, and I remember just feeling completely alone. Even the girls wouldn't play with me as they always had the age old excuse, 'Sorry, there are too many of us.' 

That really means: 'We don't want to play with You. 

As you can imagine, this really crushed my confidence and gave me a really bad body and self image. The young girl I was, who loved to dance and do theatre was suddenly too scared to be judged and too disgusted with myself. I turned from confident and carefree, to shy and nervous. I grew up early. 

When it was playtime, I'd always run around the playground so no one could notice I was alone because actually more than anything at that age, I was afraid of my parents finding out that I was a loner and that I didn't really have friends at all. 

That's something that a lot of people don't really get, part of the fear of telling someone that you're being bullied is that you're ashamed of yourself. It's hard to admit it as you see yourself as the problem. 

But luckily for me, the bullying only lasted (properly) for a couple of years and then I met my then and now best friend, Yasmina. This was one of the most pivotal moments in my life, as the new girl at my school didn't care how cool I was or if I was being bullied. She gave me a chance, she talked to me and from that moment on she's been like family. Perhaps she warmed to me because she was a bit different too, a 'tom boy goth type' and I was a shy 'wears too much pink type.' We were really complete opposites. 

The insecurities still continued, even now I hate how I look, I hate letting people take pictures of me and the majority of the pictures of myself are in black and white. I struggle with my body image, even if I'm only a normal UK size 8/10, I find it hard to love the body I'm in. 

When I went to secondary school, I was a very anxious and scared person, and I'd constantly have panic attacks, no one knew what was wrong with me. In my second year though I started to make friends, and since then I've been really happy. I have lovely friends, and a great boyfriend and I really can't complain. The younger me, would never have imagined I could be this happy, not in a million years. 

I guess my point is that things get better, even if it's hard to forget the mean things that have been said about you. Ultimately being bullied was my biggest life lesson. I learnt what it felt like to be hurt, and as a result I try my hardest to be kind to people and not to judge them. We all say things we regret, but the important thing is to remember that we can always apologise and make up for it, because sometimes even the smallest things can crush someone's confidence. 

Thanks for reading (if you managed to get through it all), feel free to comment below. Have a great day!

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18 comments

  1. Awww this is such a wonderful post :) I've been very fortunate to have been surrounded by great friends, that alone protected me from any bullying attempted. But I know how cruel it can be when one person decides they dislike you and it spreads like wildfire, having seen my sister have the same experience. So glad to hear your starting to move on, blogging is an amazing outlet for that (or a bad breakup in my case ;)) Following and sending my support xx

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    1. Aww sorry you had a bad breakup, blogging is a great outlet though and can really help to build confidence. Love your blog name btw and thanks for following xx

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  2. Lovely blog post!!! I'm so glad that you have come through it:) Definitely keep up the blogging !

    www.elishalifestyleblogger.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Aww thank you :) Keep up the blogging too!

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  3. I really love how personal you got on this post Victoria! I think it is really great to get to know the blogger behind the blog as you said :)
    Yes, I agree, the world is certainly not divided into bullies and good people (not even the high school world) and that is just oversimplifying things.
    I personally have often got bullied during school and even in my school's theatre group- I used to love theatre so much but after a year the girls there seemed to have decided they didn't like me- for no apparent reason!- and as I came home crying from school one day I decided that I did not want to go back. I think it is horrible how those meaningless attitudes can not only crush people's confidence but also indirectly deprive them from making the most out of opportunities.
    Sorry if this was too much information by the way :) In a nutshell- I think it is a great and also brave topic to raise and I am glad to read that you have come out of it feeling stronger! xx
    www.seven-days.co.uk

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    1. It's nice to hear something personal from you too. I think the really sad thing is how the little things can so easily crush someone's confidence. Thanks for the comment, your blog is looking lovely xx

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  4. I'm so sorry you were bullied and victimised - I can really relate too. When I was in primary school I was ostracised by all of the kids in my year, and picked on because of my name and my face... It's so hard. I think it's really important to write about these things so that people can connect and relate to one another.

    Owl Girl | A London lifestyle blog

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    1. Aww I'm sorry that happened to you. I think it's important to talk about these things too :) Thanks for the comment.

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  5. This was a really brave thing to post and you have gained more respect than you can imagine. I'm really touched by your story and sorry that you had to go through it at such a young age. I'm so happy that you're in a better place and more importantly that you can recognise the good things in life. Keep being strong :)

    London xx

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    1. Aww thank you London, that's a really sweet thing to say xx

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  6. Love this post and I respect how brave you are to open up and write about it. Sorry it happened to you but I believe it somehow made you better and stronger today. Hugs!

    Shireen xx
    http://reflectionofsanity.blogspot.com/

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    1. Thanks *hugs* I just think it's an important thing to talk about :) xx

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  7. Aww this is a beautiful post. Always remember that you're beautiful just the way you are and don't let what others think get to you even a little bit! I admire how brave you are to open up about this, and remember to always keep smiling lovely!

    Sneha :) xx
    www.sleepysneha.blogspot.com

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    1. Aww thank you, such a sweet comment :) xx

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  8. wow, this touched me in so many ways. it takes a lot of courage to put something like this out onto the internet, but i am so glad you did. it shows that even though it may seem like you have a perfectly happy life, you've gone through a lot. i would of never of thought you were ever bullied, let alone bullied for your looks. you are soooo pretty and thats what i noticed when i first saw your blog. I thought "oh my gosh she is so gorgeous!" and then i fell inlove with your writing and your blog design haha :) im so happy that everything turned out great for you. i've had a whirlwind of a few years myself and this gives me hope that good will come! <3

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    1. Aww you're so pretty too :) Thanks Madison~ I love your blog too. I hope that things turn out/are good for you too. There are lots of obstacles in life, but things will always get better <3

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  9. I hope you're happier and more confident today! Nobody has the right to judge or say rude things about you. I can totally relate to your post because I was bullied in Primary & Secondary school. Many times I ate alone in school & sometimes I even ate in the toilet cubicle because I didn't want people to see me with no friends. I hated myself so much and felt so depressed about this whole situation. However, I became much stronger today & realised that I do not need them to survive.
    People who are contented and happy will not bother to stir shit about someone's life. Only unhappy and bitter people do that. Always remember that there are people who care and love you for who you are - Family, Yasmina & your Boyfriend.
    Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. You're a beautiful person and I really hope that one day you will overcome these insecurities, post up photos of yourself without thinking twice and be a much happier person :)

    Geralyn | http://zhixingeralyn.blogspot.com

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    1. I can totally relate on the whole eating alone thing, I remember how embarrassing it felt to be seen eating alone so I always tried to avoid people when I did. Glad you've become stronger, I'm gonna go check out your blog now :)

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Thanks for your comments, I love reading them and will be sure to visit your blog soon :) have a lovely day!

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